I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
