I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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