eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
