There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
