He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You are the jesus of drinking
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
