i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
