Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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