I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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