Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize