there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
