Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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