if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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