I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
