Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize