Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
