Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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