Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize