Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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