I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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