Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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