I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
