Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
