you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
