your parents love me but you hate me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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