I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
