I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
