im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
