That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
PANTIES FOUND
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize