Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
