I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this just has baby written all over it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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