I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
