Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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