I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
