Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
