I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
