if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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