2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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