So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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