isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
