Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
