one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Terrible idea I love it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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