u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
