After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
