I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
