We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
