I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize