I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
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The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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