about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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