I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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