I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
