i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
