I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
