he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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