also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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