So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
