dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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