I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
