I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
