Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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