You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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