I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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