I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
