take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My bed smells like the plague
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